Shitcurity and You: A guide to being a robust officer

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Shitcurity and You: A guide to being a robust officer

Post  vegasGodhead on Fri Nov 16, 2012 6:43 am

So, you just signed up to this humble station as a security officer? Good. I hope you are competent, but then again, if you aren't that's probably why you're reading this pamphlet. Anyway, back to the actual guide.

YOUR BATON AND YOU
So you just popped open your locker, and then bam! A stun baton. You can't wait to go beat some unwilling assistant's brain in!
Stop. Think for a moment; is what I'm about to do against the Geneva Convention? Actually, if you have to ask, you probably shouldn't do it anyway. Regardless. Click the baton in your hand to turn it on. Now change your intent to either Disarm or Help, and never harm. To use it, just put the baton in your hand and click your target. Now, you have a few options of where to store your newest stunning material and they are the following;
1. Your backpack
2. Your belt
3. Your armor slot
This guide recommends you use either option 2 or option 3, as to choose option 1 involves you actually opening your backpack to get it which is a waste of time. Now that you know how to use your stick of justice, let's move on to the more complicated things.

YOUR TASER AND YOU
So now you realize, 'Oh shit, he's running from me and I can't get close enough to fondle his buttocks gently with my baton!' What do you do in this case?
Well, the answer is tase him in the ass. 'But wait doc, we never even got a taser!' Go back to your locker, re-open it, and grab the taser. And while you're at it, grab the glasses and flashbang too. These will help you.
So now that you have your taser, you should probably attach it to either your belt or armor, depending on which you didn't attach your baton to. Your backpack also works, but it really isn't worth it.
'Okey dokey, now back to chasing down Grey McAssistant!'
Not so fast Redshirt McBeat, we still have the ammo capacity to worry about. Your taser only holds a couple of shots, and then you need to recharge it. Don't go blindly running down the hall firing it though, or you'll run out and then you can't catch your target. Also, never keep it out or your target could shove you and take it.

SENTENCING 101
So now you caught Gray McAssistant? Great! Now you're going to go pop him in brig, right? But wait, how long do we sentence him for? Great question, McBeat! And the answer is it depends on what he's done. You should pick up a space law book and flip through it to see what his sentence is. Also, don't just pop an assistant into brig for petty theft and keep putting on time like a parking meter. That's shitcurity's job, not yours.

DEALING WITH YOUR SUPERIORS: A GUIDE TO NOT HAVING YOUR FACE BEATEN IN
So, now that he's brigged and you ignored what I said and kept tagging on time, the head of security let him out! Well, before you go off to beat his head in and disposal him, you should know that you are entirely under his power. Whatever he says, gos. If you don't want to end up a slew of burger meat in the chef's back room, watch your step around him and the captain. They both have the power to strip you of rank if you aren't a good officer, which would leave you looking like a roast chicken to the chef and any passing assistants.

THE END
Well, now that you have learned all there is to keeping your baton clean (and your conscience too), go out there and arrest some wrong-doers!

vegasGodhead

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Re: Shitcurity and You: A guide to being a robust officer

Post  Admin on Sun Nov 18, 2012 9:55 am

A nice not so serious guide.

Admin
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RE:

Post  thom.seagal on Thu Nov 29, 2012 4:51 pm

nice for people who just start with playing ss13........
And admin it looks verry serious to me...
And an starter will understand this verry good you can make this letter in the game in to the backpack from security people

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Re: Shitcurity and You: A guide to being a robust officer

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